Mutual Satisfaction

What happens when you can’t agree?

Hmmm….

Depends.

Done with entry.

…

…

Okay, maybe there’s more to it than that, but it does depend.

Okay let’s make some folks up because I gotta make folks up or else somebody gets pissy. So this is safe and keeps my ass from hearing the nagging.

You, yeah you, that’s easy and Jessie are in disagreement. Let’s say You are the secondary and Jessie is the primary other, not your lover. ( I chose this because this is usually the most complicated scenario.)

Jessie has said no on a request. She’s said no a lot of times and you are fucking frustrated because Jessie is ALWAYS getting what she wants. Chris, your shared lover, hasn’t really stepped in at all, doesn’t want to, feels safer off in the corner. You are left on your own with Jessie. Jessie is pimping around because primaries get to that because they have all the power.

Um, okay…sure they do. Let me ask Jessie this. You get what you want all the time. You never let the secondary have anything. Chris gets mad and the secondary gets mad. Then what?

Maybe you’re okay with the mad, but are you okay when you don’t get to have your fun, when Chris starts saying no I don’t want you to do that? Becoming too irritable, when the mad starts getting in your way? What about needing something from the second? You think it’s going to happen again and again when you’re treating them like this? What about the strength of the entire fucking relationship? Do you not care?

Primaries have an illusion of absolute power. Some really, really need it to feel secure in the poly relationship. Some Primaries can’t really handle sharing, they may only be doing it as a quid pro quo, basically they want their cookies too and if they want to get them, they gotta let their primary partner have their own. Cookies may be lovers, maybe any thing.

What am I getting at?

There is no such thing as absolute power, not even in the D/s or kink formed poly relationship. There is no such thing unless the one who holds the power doesn’t give a damn about individual well being of those involved or the well being of the entire unit.

The key to ANY relationship, be it polyamorous, monogamous, business or family is….


MUTUAL SATISFACTION

That’s right kids, everybody has to be happy in order for any type of relationship to work. Accepting this concept will lead you to great rewards in your poly relationship, but it’s also going to lead you to the underlying concept of poly relationships…

NO ONE HAS ABSOLUTE POWER

Satisfaction pulls in all directions. It pulls at everyone involved and it forces compromise and indulgence at a constant rate to maintain the balance of mutual satisfaction. The tension may be loose or tight, it depends on everyone’s needs and how they interplay, but if you cannot grasp this one simple concept then kiss your relationship goodbye and dear primaries of the world…

STICK YOUR POWER GRAB UP YOUR ASS.

Really. That’s harsh. I know you’re insecure, but sugars of the world, everyone is insecure. Everyone has something to lose. Everyone is putting out to get anything in the relationship. Everybody has to understand this and stop treating poly like a combat sport.

Women need to leave the warfare behind or you’re never going to be happy.

That goes for you too, dudes. Men are just as whacked as women sometimes.

Do you get what I’m saying though? Mutual satisfaction requires compromise, indulgence and most of all, a communal spirit. For gods sake you’re sharing pussy and cock, how much more fucking communal can you get than that?


Basically in the scenario above Jessie has to think about why she is constantly denying. Is it for the good of the whole? Does it not work out because of time, finances or some other kind of resource? (If it’s these kinds of reason, make sure you make it known.)

Or is Jessie just being a bitch? Is she trying to get revenge for some long ago spite? (Did Jessie even communicate that past issue? Is everyone going WTF? because Jessie didn’t spill the beans?)

You know, we shouldn’t just pick on Jessie. We all need to ask ourselves these questions when the situation comes up. We also need to pay attention to what we’re doing. We need to be vigilant about our actions in case there is poor communication.

WHAT? I have to pay attention to them? Hell no!!!!!

I’m not asking you to go overboard and take notes and hold personal committees on what others may say or feel, but I am asking that you pay attention to their responses, look for patterns, look for signs of problems, etc.

I am NOT asking to assume what those things mean, but to talk when you notice something amiss. Yeah, I know, you know, but you don’t really know it as well as you think. I don’t. Nobody does because we have interference called egos, life, friends, family, jobs and a lot of other noise that gets in the way.

I’m not trying to put anyone down or say they can’t do this. I am saying that we must be aware and in the routines of our days that awareness can become disconnected. In the end though we have to remember what makes a poly relationship successful.

Group Communication.
The Group Goal of Success.

And the concept of…

Mutual Satisfaction.

You’ll need to break down what these things mean. Get a detail of the overall picture because poly is too complicated for an overview to take care of it all. You need to dive in, smiling, happy, wide eyed and ready to play.

It’s work, but it’s all fun. Think about it? More love, more sex, more emotional support, maybe more financial support, a sense of family, a sense of having someone on your team!


Who’s got your back?!?! Who’s on your side?!?!?!

They are. You all are, if you play by the rules and remember Mutual Satisfaction.



© 2009